The Magic Within

Sometimes, we go through life at such a fast pace, trying to keep up with the Jones, that sometimes we forget the impact we have on others. That what we do sometime's isn't just a job, but a moment to touch someone's life if for a brief moment. making their lives that much brighter.  Someone reminded me, of how I impacted someone during the time they were going to the clinic I was working at..  Talk about fast paced, I worked in three clinics , 3 different cities and sometimes  for evening clinics depending on the need. That was a lot of patients, faces blurring sometimes.  One year, a classmate's parent came in. I remembered him because he would pick up his daughter, and he was jovial with all the kids.  I told him I remembered him and his daughter and he was pleased as punch. I would always take a moment to say hello ask how he and my friend are doing.  Even if I wasn't the one assigned to him, I would still stop by.  My friend contacted me to l...

3/27/18 I don't know about anyone else, I can only speak for myself.  I  tuck away memories, like little pieces of paper, inside the crevices of my mind, the dark shelves far from my normal view. corners where I try to stay away ;from try to forget. Then I have good memories, some of those somehow got tucked back there too.  Sometimes those crevices get full and I have to clean them out and start over.  I ran into my jr high school teacher. here I am in my middle 50's and when I saw her I instantly  recognized her. Or something inside me did. I remembered her kindness, her ability to put me at ease in the strange world called jr high. I can remember being such a wall flower. I cringed when anyone talked to me. I was a fly in a sea of milk.  I went up to her and asked if if she was so and so and she did that hesitated ' yes?" I told her who I was and how I knew her. And remembered her. She said "that was so long ago, the things you must of seen". I've ...

4/19/16 This morning, I found myself pointing the tv remote at the newly installed AC unit which came with a remote as well. I I find myself just getting ready to flush the towel only to be surprised that it flushes on its own almost everything get's done for us. Toilet's flushing, swipe your hand and paper towels dispense.I catch myself sometimes swiping a paper towel dispenser only to realize it's not automated. Just standing there until it hits me its not automatic (embarrassing sometimes). Our phones are no longer phones, they are mini controllers. There's zillion of apps. I signed up for five different social medias. I was good with my phone and a laptop. A few months ago, hubby got me a tablet, which I had to not necessarily learn to use but just use more often. I can go seamlessly from phone to tablet to laptop or any combination. This from a person who always keep phone is purse all day, with volume off. I like the mobility of a tablet. But I can still have ...

6/15/18 Working in an office, during the holidays, we always get little goodies. This Christmas someone gave the office a potted poinsettia. It was huge, lush just beautiful. During one of the times it was moved for some reason or another, one of the branches broken off. It was still so beautiful, it was almost painful to think someone would throw it away. I said I would take it, and while it sat on my desk for a while one of the guys said I should try to plant it. instead I put it in a glass vase.  I added water to it . Not to long along a co worker throw away the plant. Nothing wrong with it, the red petals had dried away and the person whose desk it was on no longer wanted to care for it. Here it is 6 months later and my little broken limbr still lives! Someone asked me why is it still alive? Because it wants to live. How is it staying alive? In my head I said because of my magic. Those are the moments you really believe you are in tune with everything around you, Your breath...

This morning, I had my annual  appointment to check out my female stuff. There's a tiny bit of fear, a couple years they found a boob lump turned out to just be FAT. but still the scare was instilled. Since then, my mammograms have been normal.  I get there in a room full of pregnant teens, it felt like, everyone sizes everyone up. "No I'm not pregnant that's just my stomach" (in my head) Get to the room and given the take off your clothes routine. I start taking off my top and notice my top was inside out. Jump on the table legs open to the world and all the little cute babies faces plastered all over  the walls watching , winking drooling.  The best part is watching the infomercial stating that women carrying heavy loads can strain their  arms and should stretch out before carrying a heavy load and proceeds to demonstrate the stretching exercises. Flashing back to when my two were young, It's amazing how flexible I was at that time. Infant in my arm, with s...

I've uploaded all the posts I had in a different location.  It's been a good 5 years since I put those words down. A lot of those words still pertain to my life, they just come at me in a different context. I've looked inside my soul, through my heart, and discovered some wondrous stuff that has been hiding inside. Is hiding the right word? Perhaps waiting for the right moment? All those secret things I harbored to learn about, crystals, tarot and oracle cards, angels, spirit guides. The signs that are always being shown to me, the synchronicities that show up all the time, not only for me but for those near me. The time is now and from now on.  I've keep these desires and interests quick and deep. It's my personal choices, it's everyone's personal choice in what to believe in . I have found a community that shares the same beliefs, sharing the same journey, I will also be going through personal hand written journals, to see if there is anyt...

, March 23, 2012 Some people have lives that are complicated that some days seem impossible to go through and I know I have had those times and I have learned to look for the good moments. You know like the lilies among the thorn thing, silver lining, rainbow pots of gold, etc. There’s times it doesn’t seem possible good things even exist. But I have learned that when something makes me smile and makes my heart melt, I tuck it in my heart to pull out later when I need to remember it does. So with that being said, things that made my heart smile today: “When grandpa dropped off Elle (grandbaby) the little boy that is also cared for there opened door and yells “SISTER”. (no relation) Being able to slip on size 14 pants for the 2 nd day in a row. When I walked through the door tonight and hubby picked me up I didn’t worry that I would be hurting his back or fall to the ground. (Not to mention he had made a turkey din...

, February 26, 2012 Last night hubby and I took a bit of adventure by going on a fundraiser bus trip to the local casino. we would get casino money and free buffet voucher. We aren't much of gamblers so after about an hour we went to the buffet. I grabbed the salad bowl and started the buffet down the line, looking, thinking, protein, starch carbs, proteins..etc.. Didn't even look at the dessert line. I came out ok, some cottage cheese, some beans potato salad. spoonful's mind you. I had gone to a baby shower earlier where I had had some cheese and meatballs. I probably had too much because I could still feel my throat working, so I didn't really eat much. My hubby came back with several bowls of various things, (protein, poor guy I check his plates too) and I told him I would have been right there with you weeks ago, everything looks sooo good. Since I was eating slow, I started looking around the room at all the plates, at all the ove...

March 25, 2012 Growing up with 3 siblings, and parents who worked in the fields, we would get our school clothes at the   beginning of the year and that pretty much would be it. And that included underwear. We would wear them   out, elastic no longer would work, a knot here and there.  ill finally we would get new pairs midyear. I’m pretty sure that’s why I now have a full drawer.  I was recently talking to sister about shopping she has   4 girls. I was mentioning how I can  go a week without washing undies and I saw my hubby holding up   3 fingers. LOL I also  figured out when I get depressed or sad I was buying underwear. I work near a mall,  so there are plenty of stores to go to. But I was buying the granny style that I grew up with, none of that  sexy stuff or thongs that just looked and felt wrong. I needed something that was going to hold everything  in . I did buy 1-2 but ne...

  June 26, 2012 So often we miss out on God’s best because we give up too soon. We don’t realize how close we are to our victory. Just another few days of believing, another few weeks of doing the right thing, or another few months of staying in faith is all you may need to see His promises come to pass. Today, I remind ourselves to keep the faith . Your breakthrough is right around the corner! We might say, “ I don’t know how I’m going to make it. Things seem to be getting worse instead of better.” You might be tempted to think, I’m never going to find my spouse, or I’m never going to get that promotion, or I’m never going to break this addiction. But we can, because the truth is your Heavenly Father is closer than you think. I have found that the intensity gets turned up when victory is near. The enemy would not be fighting so hard if he didn’t already know he was about to lose his grip on us. When those neg...

October 31, 2012 Literally, come around Halloween time, I would head for the local thrift store and find a simple costume, two pieces of foams together, in forms of fires, or m &m's, costumes that would easily hide my bulk. I didn't want to be noticed, to make myself visible in fear that someone would crack a joke, that would break my heart, but on the outside I would laugh as well. As soon as office photo was over I'd change with the excuse that I couldn't do my work with it on. This year I dressed totally different, a nice slim dress, a crown and a new attitude. I was still cringing alittle. its hard to be in the limelight, step out of the shadows but I feel great today. Its been 41 weeks since I got the lapband! **Today , I have been a princess/queen (again just smaller) and Minnie Mouse. 

Nov 8 2012 There’s just a special hint of something extra between a girl and her daddy/ grandpa. There’s a special twinkle in the eyes; smiles that brightens when they see each other. Who has who around their pinkie is questionable. This morning my daughter sent me this picture of our grandbaby Elle with grandpa. He works at night and in the morning on his way home, picks up the baby and takes her to the sitters who lives a few blocks from us. It looks like this morning, grandpa stopped to rest his eyes and Elle found grandpa and just snuggled right up. This brings back memories because my daughter used to do the same thing with her daddy ** Today, they are just as close today. He is her person, her protector her hero. He's mine too. 

December 20, 2012 I n ever saw…  11 months later and I am almost 60 lbs lighter I’ve become deliciously domesticated, lucky husband. I was off for 12 days last month and I thought it was going to be a struggle, but it was: a vacation, didn’t think about work or what I was missing, didn’t think about anything but my home and catching up to what had long been neglected, the dust bunnies, the cleaning and mostly my husband. On the first day home, his breakfast was a cup of coffee. By the 8th day it was fresh baked cornbread with sweet corn filling, eggs and potatoes, sausages. And I would sit with him drinking my protein shake with a small plate. And even now that I am back to work, I find that I enjoy doing that kind of stuff. I go home and pull out stuff for dinner, clean up right after.. Before the lap band, everything was on paper plates because I just didn’t have the strength the vigor to wash plates, but now that’s all I use. It’s a joy to be a...

  December 24, 2012 And I was ok… It’s a ritual lately to take our grandbaby to the local McDonalds so she can play on the indoor jungle gym, (not to mention her visit with her father). Sometimes these visits seriously drag; This Sunday was just one of those days. I was going to go out to one of the nearby stores in the mall area. Trying to get around my hubby, I had my hand on his shoulder but in that moment he scooted his chair forward and I lost my momentum and fell to the ground. And I sat up and stood up and that was the end of that, with hubby dusting off the imaginary dust off my bum. Last year had I fallen, before the lap band I would have been so embarrassed, thinking that everyone was snickering, laughing pointing, look the fat lady fell down. And I would have gotten up, but with tears of humiliation in my eyes. Even knowing it wasn’t my fault, accidents do happen, I would have been so mortified. In my head the earth shook, I sent tremo...

, December 31, 2012 My cousin has been separated from her ex for a few years and she is in her 30’s and she finally decided that it was time to start looking again. As most women, she is very particular of whom she introduces her son too. She has her standards as she calls them. Her friends are always trying to fix her up, start conversations for her. Now my cousin is not shy, just reserved. She was telling us about one occasion recently , she was at a gas station with her friend and her friend was checking out the car next to them on the other side of pump and telling my cousin, hey he’s cute, look nice car. Say something, so after a little bit more encouraging my cousin did. They had a brief conversation as one does when at gas stations. The guy says see you around, gets in his car and leans forward and breathes into a breath analyzer so his car would start! My cousin turns around to her friend and says you a...

  January 11, 2013 When you open your closet and you get a flashback of your mother’s closet. Your tops reach your knees. Or the neck hole is so big, one shoulder keeps showing. They become your sleeping dresses. Even with thermals, your pants are still loose and either makes you look like Bozo the clown or MC Hammer. Your family tells you to buy a new pair of pants, and you tell them these are the new pants.. and show them the tags. I’ve gone from size 20 pants to size 12. Run out of room to make a new button in the waistline of your pants... (While you are waiting to change whole sizes) Put on a bra and both boobs could almost fit in one cup or they slip right out. Put on underwear and somehow you have a leg hole around your waist. Now that was fun.. I still chuckle at that one... Your shoes have one color, black, My daughter has been helpful in that we (I say we but she went through the closet and pulled...

  February 6, 2013 When did they fall out of love? My brain and stomach used to lovingly hand in hand direct me to a tasty pastry, to go with my Starbucks drink on cold days, a tempting shake because it was so hot, it's ok, the sugar will sweat out (the things I told myself) And today I just noticed it, they are no longer in sync. They no longer want the same thing. My head is saying eat a little more, there’s still food left on your plate, or it’s time for a snack, with an apple, an orange, or some raisins, and nuts all within arm’s length. (Not at the same time, lol) But my stomach said why? You aren’t hungry; you are still full, you are drinking water, what’s YOUR PROBLEM? And there was no real answer. Out of habit I suppose. I watch my neighbor snack all day and not good stuff and its sad thought to think I used to eat the same way, almost like I wanted to keep up with her. And even though I had ...