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Realizations left and right...

I can say so much has happened, but yet it doesn't seem like it has. It depends on who comes into our lives and what they say, how they resonate with our us inside us. 
Covid, wow, it hasn't hit us here in California, to the health of my family but Mando in Utah, got hit, and much worse than he let on according to Sam. He worries about us the way we worry about him. He's my boy, and he will forever be my little alf man.   

I'm like a crazed bee, hovering here and there to the sweeter smelling flowers and the glittery jewels in the garden.
Yes sometimes I feel like I'm drowning into myself. I don't know where to turn who to talk to. There really is no one I can express , unload myself. 
Last night:

I went to sleep woke up at 3:00 AM , instead of worrying why I'm awake I just stay away watch
tv and eventually make my way back to bed. Yesterday I found a video that I had heard about and watched most of it, It left me with a lot of questions and validations, and hard facts.

Me: Universe, Why do I stay in this comfort spot?
Universe" Because you like being treated like shit, you know how to react to the boundaries that you have set up,  the triggers, what sends you back from the light"

Which what I have said to other people, did I ever think to apply that to myself? No, not recently. but apparently there is still little bit of that left. 

I then had a dream, I was in a 2 story house, full of people and I could not find a pair of pants, I was looking everywhere! I know I said get this kid ready for zoom, and it was 7 year old Traci. I woke up told Bill who forever holds me and loves me and listens to me, Just laughed about the pants. Because in reality I have drawers of pants, and clothes ,

I think I found a new tribe for now. 💔💓😆😈💢




                          

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