In The Gray

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 I recently had a conversation with my sister. She and I are able to communicate most things going on in our lives. our own therapists.  She knows the stuff I believe in and I know not to mention more than is needed because I know that she believes there is only black and only white. No in between. But I can't believe that, ok ok, yes there is black and there is the white but I believe that I tend to live mostly in the gray and that's what makes life, hard because even though we set boundaries, these boundaries don't exist in the gray area. Being in the gray area, is where I can find myself, growth, soul searching. 

Mental health issues are really predominant in our family ; as I was mentioning to her, (and in front of Bill) when I first started taking medications, I thought I was the only one. As I opened up to various family members I came to the realization I was not the only one, and that I was actually late to the Xanax party. I feel for the girls, the pandemic has changed lives, dreams, and directions of lives. When we were young we had no choice, we did what we did to survive. We didn't have choices about where to work, or wait till the right job came along.  It was surviving and getting enough money to get away from the situation we were in.  We all have choices to make.  Sometimes as parents we try to give them what we didn't have because we don't want them to struggle as we did, but is it helping or hindering. 

I just know that for myself, I've been opening up to all that is possible, even though no one else (near me) can relate to what you are wanting to learn and be involved with. 

There are worlds beyond worlds and although I know that I probably won't be able to learn it all, I will be able to change my life with what I do. 👄🌱



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